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wrote on February 22, 2016 on 3:45 pm:
If any survivors out there are at the very beginning of their healing journey;

Please be kind to yourself

Don't give yourself treats on conditions

Give them every day to yourself and show yourself that you love yourself

My thing was a local National Trust Park.

To gaze upon the trees, the sky and the other people in the distance,
was good for the soul (at the time I was numb) most days, but I enjoyed it once I was there. To get a bit muddy and to drink hot chocolate, however much I didn't feel like queuing.

Main thing - to not feel guilty every time you break down on someone's shoulders (as it could be them in a few years, if they have their own personal crisis)
wrote on January 22, 2016 on 11:20 pm:
I was abused as a child, I told my mum straight away but she called me a liar.
A year or two later he admitted to her what he had been doing she left him but after a few days she came to me and said she could not live without him, we are going back but I promise I will never leave you alone in the same room as him.
We went back but it started again. I always felt frightened, I did not want to go home after school, I used to lay in bed at night literally shaking frightened that the door would open. He abused me for 4 years,he was physically violent to me, he would say I know where I can hurt you where it does not show. I often was hit around the head or had my head banged against the wall where my hair was. He put me down and made me feel I was rubbish.
I wish in my lifetime I see a change so children are as important as adults. We need to live in a society that protects children.
I once said to my foster dad why did I not tell someone, why did I not walk into the nearest police station. Why did I believe my stepdad when he said know one will believe you and you will get it worse. He said children don't act like adults. I think what he meant was that I needed someone to help me be able to tell.
My is it such a taboo, it is no wonder children feel uncomfortable telling or feel ashamed as if it is their fault. If as an adult I had the things done to me as a child, he would of gone to prison and had a criminal record, but because I was a child I did not matter.
Children do matter. It is our moral duty as a society to protect them.
KatyKaty wrote on January 20, 2016 on 6:21 pm:
I met my ex husband when I was 23, he was 28 and my second boyfriend. My first was a lovely, kind man. J seemed the same. He was divorced with a young child.
His ex had claimed that he was abusive to her & their child. She stopped contact eventually. I believed him & his family.
We married after 3 yrs together. He had mood swings but I put it down to all the divorce stress & ignored my unease. I was pregnant quickly after our marriage. He seemed uninterested in the pregnancy.
I signed over my salary to our joint account because that seemed sensible and I was 'bad' with money. He dealt with the paperwork when our son was born. I didn't realise that there was child benefit & tax credits, they were paid into his account. I ended up paying his child maintenance out of my maternity pay. My parents were buying nappies & formula for me as I was struggling so much.
He attacked me when our son was a few weeks old. I left & went back. I ended up with depression and had to leave my job. He gave me pocket money for shopping & controlled everything I did. He hit me occasionally but it was mostly financial, verbal & emotional abuse.
After our second child was born he grew worse. He limited my contact with friends & isolated me from my family. We are now divorced but the courts make it difficult to stop contact. He has physical & emotionally abused our children however his parental rights mean he still is guaranteed contact.
We would not expect people to keep in touch with someone who assaulted them in the street so why should children have to? The CMS rules need to change too. If you are self employed then parents can alter their apparent income.
My ex husband pays himself ยฃ1000 per month, his house & utilities are paid by the business, but the CMS say he should only pay ยฃ18 a month to his children's upkeep. He gets to continue his abuse to them & financially control me.
marionmarion from Birmingham wrote on January 20, 2016 on 12:48 pm:
I am a 66 years old and was abused by my eldest brother in our own home when I was nine. I didn't tell my parents, as they were wrapped up in their own needs.
When I was 38 years old, I told my mother because my abusers wife was divorcing him and had voiced concerns about his unnatural interest in their 13 year old daughter. My mother's response was to spit in my face and say, "you, you've got a hang up about men"! So I told her that I did have a hang up about men because of his long-term abuse of me.
She turned my whole family against me, and I was ostracised for 8 years. Long term, I have had several abusive marriages, with me on the receiving end of the abuse, sometimes physical, sometimes mental.
I am a widow now and cannot allow anyone in. I isolate myself and only trust my dogs. I feel as if I am an alien who is living amongst the people on this planet, but I am not one of them.
I long for death, so I don't have to be on the outside anymore and feel like I shouldn't be affected by what they have all done to me. I have never lived, just existed. I look OK to all those who see me, but I no longer tell anyone what happened because of their avoidance of me once they know.
PaulaPaula from Huddersfield wrote on January 19, 2016 on 11:19 pm:
I am a survivor of child abuse, it occurred between age of 9 and 13. I was told that if I told anyone, he would hurt my mum and brother. He isolated us from extended family.
I feel that much more should be done in schools to make the topic less secret. It should be openly spoke about and there should be a contact point in school where a child could easily access help. I feel it would help deter child abuse if the abuser knew that every time the child went to school there was an opportunity to tell.
I thought about telling a teacher but I did not know how. I told the police when I ran away and they picked me up. They took me straight home and said someone would come to take a statement within the next couple of days. They did but the problem was that they interviewed me in the family home, in front of my mum and my step dad said that he would be listening at the door and I was to tell them I lied, this was 1983.
I cannot believe to this day how the police could be so incompetent. Common sense would say that this was wrong. I endured a longer period of abuse because of their actions, I was desperate to tell them everything if only they had taken me to the police station to take my statement.
I am 45 now, I had 4 years of absolute hell but 41 years of happiness. I have never let it hold me back. I have been to university and have a successful life. ALWAYS TELL. Be strong, don't let it define your life or hold u back.m
wrote on January 19, 2016 on 2:30 pm:
As a survivor of child abuse, I tried to tell my mum, but my father said things like that don't happen.
JJ from Newcastle upon tyne wrote on January 19, 2016 on 10:15 am:
Hi i,m 56 ,,spent 4 5ths of my life in and out of hospitals ( both mental health and medical) ,my experience is people in authority appear to let me/us down ,, me/us = victims of sexual abuse,violence in family ,,,
i have gleaned from my life that very likely i was abused from age of 3 ,by grandfather ,,( i say likely as this is when i stopped eating and also know he abused other members of family ) somewhere between 7 to 9 i think there was sexual interaction between myself and older sister ,,, at about 9 my last memory of my father was of him strangling my mum and a knife in his hand ,,,then he left us for good ,,
whilst he was there my granda wasnt allowed in our house ( i found out this later in life ,,and that is indicative of him knowing or knew something was wrong ,, ) meaning he did nothing about things ,, my mum then introduced my abuser in the form of my stepfather to be ,,this abuse started at the age of about 11 ,till about 16 ,,in that time my life totally fell apart ,
i skpped school for the last 3 years of schooling ,, ( even though i went every day and got my mark i never attended lessons )i became invisible to society ,, when i was going through what i thought was my was the worst time of my life ,,
not kowing the after effects would be more challenging ,, ,this is the tip of my iceberg , sexual abuse was rampant through my family it also transpires that almost all adults knew or had something to do with it ,,,,,,,,
hence my view that people of authority lets us down ,,,
LucyLucy from Derbyshire wrote on January 14, 2016 on 5:07 pm:
I no longer let my daughter use the IPad unsupervised. She got it for Christmas and within a couple of days she had typed "Barbie kiss Ken" into the search and brought it to me in a panic with what came up!
AnonymousAnonymous wrote on January 13, 2016 on 4:33 pm:
I was with my boyfriend for two years, he always hit me but sometimes I would hit him back. It was only when he stabbed me in the stomach that I decided to leave him. I didn't report it to the Police, they wouldn't do anything any way โ€“ itโ€™s just what boys do.โ€
AnonymousAnonymous wrote on January 13, 2016 on 9:10 am:
When we were 15 we had one lesson on sex. They just told us about diseases and how not to get pregnant. I donโ€™t know what they told the boys, they were in a different room
wrote on January 12, 2016 on 2:20 pm:
All the boys watch porn. If you donโ€™t do what theyโ€™ve been watching, they dump you and tell their friends your frigid
AnonAnon wrote on January 12, 2016 on 1:36 pm:
I found out my daughter had been putting sexual videos of herself on a social media App. I didn't know how to stop her. I hid her phone and her tablet, she just used her friends. Sheโ€™s only 12. I ended up going to the police and social services but they were no help, just came and talked to her. I blame myself but I just donโ€™t know what I could have done differently.
AnonymousAnonymous wrote on January 12, 2016 on 12:14 pm:
There was a boy in school who kept grabbing me. He would try to pin me against the wall and when I wouldnโ€™t let him he called me really horrid names. This went on for ages. I didn't feel safe. Eventually I went and told the teacher. He told me I should be flattered as this boy was just trying to show he liked me.โ€